it's no use preparing yourself for what might come, cos you never know what would. there's a dozen possibilities what you are bracing yourself for could be.
i thought this out so carefully before i took a deep breath and jumped into the open waters. apparently i hadn't had thought enough. this is starting to look like a lost case now. no matter how much i swim towards the island, i don't think that i'm getting any nearer. i don't know. maybe it's because i'm tired... maybe i'm losing all my energy and strength from focusing on this. or maybe i'm not swimming fast and strong enough? i really don't know. all i know is that i'm tired from chasing things that i can never catch. catching things that i can never keep for long. it's never fair is it? i don't want to feel like a dog anymore because i've had enough of being treated like one.
and just when i thought the sea wasn't so rough, that it was calming down after so many months of endless storms, it is roughing up again. perhaps my compass is broken and i'm going in the wrong direction. or my steering wheel is broken. either that or i really am out of luck.
as yet i need to figure out what i want to do with myself. quite frankly i've lost hope and the eagerness that i used to have. i've wasted all of my energy on people and things that weren't worth of it. dreams that won't ever come true because i have dreams that are far too big for a tiny person like myself. but people say dreaming big is never a bad thing. or is it?
