Stupid notes people write making me feel ill. Things people do piss me off. Unnecessary wall posts.. Just to get attention. Just to make a point. Just to boost their ego. And worst of all, people who are stupid. When did I become this bitter, I ask myself?
Before I go any further let me put down the meaning of the word 'stupid', since I seem to use it rather often.
Definition of 'stupid' : stubborn. narrow minded. hypocrite. People with no reason for being alive. [the latter is cruel, yes, but I just needed to write that.]
NOTE : i wrote this ages ago... its been in my drafts all this time and i thought i might as well just delete or publish the post, and then i thought i'd go for the latter one. so here goes.
1. Crocodile leather.
Forgive me for being bitter. Cold. Callous. People think I'm bubbly, cheerful and giggly. Sure I'm all of that but not 24/7, that would be just insane. But then I have my really detached side. Sometimes I let that side take over.. I guess everyone has days like those.
2. Strange. Eccentric. Weird?
Forgive me for wanting to do things outside the "norm". But hey, who would you classify as a normal person? Someone who functions like a pet? Or better/worse, a pet who performs chores? [I didn't know what to pick from better and worse]. What kinda job do you classify as normal? Wearing a suit and tie or in my case, some kinda formal clothing and sitting at a desk 8 hrs a day?
3. Sex. Not intercourse - gender.
Oho! I hate being a girl. The things I'm deprived of. The things that I do and people feel I should be deprived of. Well not deprived exactly but they just wish I wouldn't do. What is their problem? Wouldn't they be happy to see me happy? Am I not allowed to indulge in my freedom? So it shouldn't be called freedom anymore. More like "depressdom". And no its not a real word. And speaking of the heading of this paragraph, we don't ask to be brought to this world. And because of this, don't you think we deserve to be given a chance to choose our preferred sex?
4. Pursuit for happiness. Lost cause.
It's either you get it or you don't. There's no in between. You think there's a middle but, unfortunately, there isn't. And if u think 'content' means being happy with what you have [and not wishing for more], it actually means being satisfied in a limited way. Therefore, you pine for something. You long for that which is missing. You want that void to be filled. I guess that is the middle after all. I'm going to name it "The O.K. State".
You can run for it, fight for it, plead and beg for it, but happiness doesn't give out passes that easily to watch it shine in all its glory. Gotta be damn lucky I'd say. But it all comes with a price too.
'Fine' is a word used frequently. Is a word abused, more likely. And with this I shall end this note.
Sure this may not be so note-like. More are coming up though, entirely for your viewing and reading pleasure.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Solitary Solitaire
Definition of Solitaire:
1. (n.) A single diamond in a setting; also, sometimes, a precious stone of any kind set alone.
2. (n.) Any species of American thrushlike birds of the genus Myadestes. They are noted their sweet songs and retiring habits. Called also fly-catching thrush. A West Indian species (Myadestes sibilans) is called the invisible bird.
3. (n.) A person who lives in solitude; a recluse; a hermit.
4. (n.) A game which one person can play alone; -- applied to many games of cards, etc.; also, to a game played on a board with pegs or balls, in which the object is, beginning with all the places filled except one, to remove all but one of the pieces by "jumping," as in draughts.
5. (n.) A large extinct bird (Pezophaps solitaria) which formerly inhabited the islands of Mauritius and Rodrigeuz. It was larger and taller than the wild turkey. Its wings were too small for flight. Called also solitary.
Quite interesting as how there are two types of birds also named solitaire. They must have lived lone lives. Obviously with their lonely partner - or partners.. threesome?
Sure it gets tiring wen all you have is your 10 hrs-a-week-job, too many demanding friends, only coffees or bike rides to while away your time. I'm trying to learn to cook new stuff now besides pasta/spaghetti/noodles/various types of omelets. And new desserts too.. I only know biscuit pudding and French toast. I once tried to make a blueberry cheesecake and it tasted so bad but still my family ate half of it to make me happy. Like I am only 3 years old.
It's frustrating when loneliness eats you up. To put on your happy face but it's not your face anymore, its just a mask. And when nothin, anybody does to please you, actually pleases you. When pessimism and paranoia eats you up. When it all feels like a crazy circus that you're stuck in and you can't get out of, and the clowns keep dancing around till your head is spinning and you're convinced that you really are going crazy.
SO. what do you do?
This is probably part 1. if there's a part 2, I'll post it titled Solitary Soitaire II.
1. (n.) A single diamond in a setting; also, sometimes, a precious stone of any kind set alone.
2. (n.) Any species of American thrushlike birds of the genus Myadestes. They are noted their sweet songs and retiring habits. Called also fly-catching thrush. A West Indian species (Myadestes sibilans) is called the invisible bird.
3. (n.) A person who lives in solitude; a recluse; a hermit.
4. (n.) A game which one person can play alone; -- applied to many games of cards, etc.; also, to a game played on a board with pegs or balls, in which the object is, beginning with all the places filled except one, to remove all but one of the pieces by "jumping," as in draughts.
5. (n.) A large extinct bird (Pezophaps solitaria) which formerly inhabited the islands of Mauritius and Rodrigeuz. It was larger and taller than the wild turkey. Its wings were too small for flight. Called also solitary.
Quite interesting as how there are two types of birds also named solitaire. They must have lived lone lives. Obviously with their lonely partner - or partners.. threesome?
Sure it gets tiring wen all you have is your 10 hrs-a-week-job, too many demanding friends, only coffees or bike rides to while away your time. I'm trying to learn to cook new stuff now besides pasta/spaghetti/noodles/various types of omelets. And new desserts too.. I only know biscuit pudding and French toast. I once tried to make a blueberry cheesecake and it tasted so bad but still my family ate half of it to make me happy. Like I am only 3 years old.
It's frustrating when loneliness eats you up. To put on your happy face but it's not your face anymore, its just a mask. And when nothin, anybody does to please you, actually pleases you. When pessimism and paranoia eats you up. When it all feels like a crazy circus that you're stuck in and you can't get out of, and the clowns keep dancing around till your head is spinning and you're convinced that you really are going crazy.
SO. what do you do?
This is probably part 1. if there's a part 2, I'll post it titled Solitary Soitaire II.
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