London Blues

Here we are, going to London in a week's time.. and everything's just messy.

I stammer and I forget what I’m supposed to be saying when I’m nervous. I seriously doubt it won’t happen this time; when I’m faced by hundreds of Europeans with God-awful accents and asking them to repeat their questions because I can’t understand whatever it is that they’re saying. Ok - so maybe not God-awful accents - but still... hmmm.. come to think of it they are kind of attractive. And of course, I’ve never been a big talker so I’m not so sure how I’m gonna manage. *DEEP BREATH*

Ok, so this afternoon I was walking around going into tourist shops on a brainstorming session with my Samoan co-worker. Coming up with great ideas... but at this last minute I'm not so sure how we can put it all together.

This is getting depressing... day by day... I'm not sure if I'm cut out for this kind of job. I don't want to be the leader because I'm perfectly happy with working behind the scenes. Some people just do not understand how I can possibly want this. Not everyone is a born leader (note: research shows that first born child is usually a leader and this is true as my sister is such a role playing person and I'm not. And I'm the youngest).

I know at the beginning when you are starting a career and trying to build it you really have to give your 150% but I think I have and I think I'm just draining out right now.

The problem with me is once I feel that I dislike something, there is no way to turn back and even try liking it. But I'm trying so hard to convince myself right now... Whatever it is... I hope I come out of this.